Monday is menosukhi day - the one in which I go all sentimental. For a few weeks this means you are sharing my memories of two darling creatures, Jade Dog MacWoof and Jasper Cat MacMeow.

In advance let me apologise - I had not intended to bombard you with barricades - the fence theme of the last few days appeared all as a flow of consciousness.  No forward planning.  Today's J story, though, I did forecast, so it will be told as promised last week!

To be fair, it doesn't begin as a fence story.  Rather, it begins with the Council Dog Controller telephoning to say there had been a complaint.  Not "complaintS".  A Complaint.  This was a first warning regarding nuisance barking.  Needless to say I was a bit confuddled.  You see, at the time I was studying again and was only working 15 hours per week.  In other words, was mostly at home.

The only time I would hear Jade bark was when a dog passed the front gate. I discouraged it of course, but it was never prolonged anyway.  Any other bark was generally in association with interactions such as "did you forget about brekky?"   or "Today I'd like an extra walk".  Anything else, she'd do paw-signing and dogglepathy.

So what was going on?  The CDC was a patient and diplomatic fellow and said not to worry.  But if it came again, he'd have to do an assessment.  Fine by me.

It came again.  This time he called to say he had come to the door to let me know he was around (wouldn't you know it was one of the three morning's I was on shift?).  It was not a problem.  He simply sat outside in his van for 90 minutes (- he gets paid for that-) awaiting any nuisance noise from no. 36.  He was, he said, delighted to report that apart from 'acceptable' barking at one dog passing, Jade uttered not a whimper.

Quite so, said I.  Where to from here?

He would advise the complainant that if this was the barking being referred to, then they would need to reassess their level of tolerance.

Later he called and said there was insistence that there had been prolonged barking. At the back fence.

Ah.  My immediate thought was of our old mate Buddy the Bully.  I was assured this was not the situation.  By this time I was getting a bit frayed around the nerves.  Of course CDC couldn't tell me who was complaining, but it could be only one of three possibilities.    Anyway, unfortunately the situation was such that CDC was now forced to pass the complaint to the local constabulary.  Who knew they needed to confirm such minor things in order to authorise  council for "action"?

What action?  Removal of offending animal!!!

Lord, did I pray that night.  Next morning the boys in blue were on the doorstep.  Very large, strapping young men, bristling with leather and paraphernalia, including the gun.  Aussie cops carry weapons.  It's not good for the shaky nerves let me tell you.  Jade was up for causing a civil disturbance and they could slap her in irons. (Strewth! Am shaking again just retelling the tale! Be still my hammering heart…)

Lord came through.  They had with them a bunch of paperwork, but when they began to question me it was about my whereabouts on a certain day three weeks previous.  Why, that was one of my work shifts at the bank, officer.

Really?  They eyed each other the way all cops do (I know 'coz I love cop shows...J), then the senior turned with a glint in one of those sky-blue eyes and asked if I had noticed anything missing from my property.  

Say what?  Hadn't you come about the dog?

Well, yes, but when the CDC had contacted them they found at the time of the "alleged offence" (tsk listen to them!), there had also been a report of a home invasion in the street behind.  Investigation revealed that three  houses had been tampered with and at the third one, the owner had been present and the perpetrator had taken off across the back fence.  They had observed him skipping other fences, instead of going out onto the road, prior to calling the police.

The officer stopped and looked at me to let this sink in.  I looked at Jade who, bless her long red paws was lying taking this all in, then back at blue eyes.

"You think Jade was trying to raise the alarm that there was an intruder?"

"En garde!!"

"We do!"

They were still looking for a youth in typical baggy street wear, probably a red overshirt and black or dark blue baseball cap.  They were confident they knew the suspect as a repeat offender but had yet to apprehend him.  He was a known small-time drug dealer but more a user and inclined to go 'fishing' for goodies that were not his. They also knew that he wasn't overly endowed with thinking power, so was likely to make an attempt on the same properties in due course.

So, as far as the complaint was concerned, they were happy to let it drop.  Phew.  Did I mention that during this whole time Jade sat at the feet of the junior of the duo and he kept tickling her ears?  Honestly, she was a model citizen!

You are probably guessing by now that the story has not finished.  It was a mere two days later - seriously! - that Jade set up the most raucous barking I'd ever heard - by the side fence.  I rushed out to the patio and noticed that the Right neighbour's kitchen window was open - unusual.  Jade was standing at the little side gate that separated her from the meter box.  I looked round the corner and there he was - fiddling with my bedroom window.  OI!!!!

He took off like a bullet.  I dashed back through the house and spotted him vaulting over the 4' wall at the front and round into the Left neighbour's garden.  I was on the phone nearly as quickly.

The cop duo were there within 10 minutes, lights flashing, no siren… clever boys.  By this time Jade had settled but was still on alert.  I pointed the direction and they made their way up the street on foot, one going round the back of the houses.  A little while later (no idea how long really it was all so surreal, we were in a real live cop show!) there was a great crashing and banging and shouting and all that stuff.  Then the lad was frog-marched down the street, handcuffed and looking rather too cocky.

In the afternoon, the cops were back at no. 36 with a chew prize for Jade!!!!  The Junior even got conned into throwing the bat toy.  Blue eyes also told me he had made a point of calling the complainant regarding the barking and to let them know that she was just doing her job. 

Wait - there's more!  Right neighbour had indeed been burgled by the nasty little toad and it was all the diamonds and gold from her dresser that had gone.  Of course, it was now recovered and she was so relieved, she bought Jade a doggie hamper…  Jade, being the model citizen, shared some of the biccie and liver treats with Jasper.  Even though he had turned not a whisker at the whole thing!

That's my gal.

More from the J's next week folks!  Meanwhile, do have a look at the CanineChronicles episode and don't forget to visit Bozo!